Tobi switchcase
by Tobias Klika

What six months of smoking did to me

An estimated 10 cigarettes per day for 180 days. Each cigarette 5 minutes. That's a full 150 hours feel-good time. But in fact I was destroying myself mentally and physically.

  1. Waking up every morning and knowing I am not in control of this addiction.
  2. But convincing myself that I am in control – absolutely absurd.
  3. Not even out of bed and mouth already tastes like an ashtray.
  4. Craving for the first cigarette so the awful taste is justified.
  5. And because I like it. I can stop whenever I want, but I don't want – yet.
  6. I am totally in control.
  7. I hope no one sees me, I am ashamed and feel inferior.
  8. Brushing teeth, so I can pretend it didn't happen.
  9. What's this stain on my teeth? Was it there already?
  10. Holy fuck, this is a stain — I am pretty sure it will disappear by itself.
  11. And my index finger is still yellow. I should wash hands more often, easy task.
  12. Let's roll another cigarette for my commute.
  13. Close to work, I will smoke it now. I really hope no one sees me.
  14. Damn, these toothpastes aren't as good as they used to be, better eat a Fishermen's Friend.
  15. Feeling fresh now - yay!
  16. When should I take a break so colleagues won't notice me smoking?
  17. I am totally in control.
  18. I will take a break now and pretend like I have a very personal and urgent call.
  19. That worked, not a problem at all. Nothing is a problem. And I can quit whenever I want.
  20. I can't quit. I hate my life. When is the next break?
  21. A lot of other people smoke too. And are alive. It can't be that bad, no worries.
  22. Work's over, finally! The evening is mine, I can do whatever I want. Why not start it with a tasty cigarette? I will quit tomorrow, I swear.
  23. Ah sorry, tomorrow is weekend, no chance. But on Monday, definitely.
  24. Let's go to the skatepark. No dinner, I am not that hungry yet.
  25. I can smoke a cigarette when I get hungry, it suppresses the feeling a bit. Who said there were only downsides?
  26. And it's also a lifestyle. It's my style of living, you know? #yolo, what's your problem?
  27. Back at home. It's dinner time and if it takes too long to prepare, I could also smoke a cigarette before in addition to the one I always smoke afterwards.
  28. Phew, that's a super complex dinner, or at least I am not as motivated to cook as I was back when I couldn't call myself Marlboro Man. Let's have a short break.
  29. By cooking healthy I can fully compensate the harm my cigarettes are doing to me.
  30. In fact I do a lot of sports and eat healthy. What should stop me?
  31. Dinner done. Time for dessert. Keep on rollin.
  32. Why are the neighbors always outside when I am on the way to my 5 minutes of meditation?
  33. I am totally in control.
  34. Fuck my neighbors.
  35. @$*~!!@$}\, I will have to find another spot where I can chill.
  36. Let's play some video games now. Best way to calm down.
  37. What is good gaming evening without a few good cigarettes. Double chill time. Hangloooose
  38. I need a soft drink so the taste of the cigarette gets supercharged.
  39. Normally I don't consume soft drinks. But it's my evening, so why not? I went for the healthy stuff the rest of the day.
  40. I have seen athletes on instagram who smoke.
  41. I am not alone, we are not inferior. In fact we are superior because we achieve great health – superhuman health – even though we smoke.
  42. Time to go to bed now. Well, clock says I've got another 15 minutes. You know what that means ... party time!
  43. Ey oh let's go. I feel good, fucking good. Let's brush teeth and off to bed.
  44. Already forgot about that stain.
  45. Shit.
  46. Well, more pressure means more cleanness. Let's go!
  47. Didn't work out. If I repeat this procedure a few times, I am pretty sure the stain will go away.
  48. Looking into the mirror. Everything will be fine, we can do this!
  49. My face looks a bit spotty, but that's nothing to worry about. Such things vary from day to day.
  50. Time for bed – Recovery is very important for health.
  51. Did you know a urine test can detect nicotine and reveal whether you smoke?
  52. I shouldn't postpone my health check-ups anymore.
  53. But I am loser. I don't want them to know. I don't want anyone to know.
  54. Monday is quit-time, hell yeah.
  55. Or Tuesday maybe?
  56. ...
  57. Good moooorning – time for a tasty cigarette, my friends.

This essay is a more or less accurate reconstruction of the thoughts on a random day while I was smoking.

I quit smoking on June 18th, 2026.